Discover the Boomerang Effect in Love - The Psychology Behind Breakup Relationships - named “ Returning Without Closure”

When you hear the term "boomerang," you can likely envision the dynamics of this relationship. A boomerang is an object that, when thrown, returns to its sender. And a boomerang relationship seems never-ending because the thoughts of both individuals in it seem unable to completely detach from each other, perpetuating a cycle of entanglement inherent in that relationship. Perhaps, at times when one is young and lacks emotional literacy, as well as a clear definition of love, it's easy to fall into the boomerang love effect.

How To Identify a Boomerang effect in a relationship?

In this type of relationship:

1. One person is always committed and fully invested in the love of both. We'll call this person "all in."

2. While the other person also invests effort and loyalty, their focus tends to be more on their own desires, interests, and goals in life. This person will be referred to as "not fully committed."
   

According to Psychology Today, such relationships often involve passive-aggressive behavior. These indirect aggressive behaviors are typically employed by the not-fully-committed person, who seeks to control the relationship by leveraging the other's insecurity, all while professing love.

Boomerang relationships often experience a yo-yo effect, leaving individuals feeling like they're riding a roller coaster. There are moments when one doesn't want to treat the "all in" person well, and other times when they make the "all in" person feel worthless.

Sometimes, they break up and then reconcile shortly after because they feel they want to continue being with that person, even if it means sacrificing part of themselves uncomfortably to sustain the relationship.

For example, during a conflict, both parties might sacrifice something important to them to resolve the issue.

In healthy relationships, there's room for sacrifice and compromise. However, if only one person is sacrificing, it's not a sustainable solution. Eventually, they'll feel dissatisfied and disappointed when their sacrifices seem futile.

This on-off type of relationship can leave individuals exhausted and miserable. Studies show that experiencing continuous on-off love can diminish one's interest in the relationship, decrease commitment and long-term desire, lower the perceived value of the partner, increase conflicts and tension, and create uncertainty about the future of the relationship.

COMMON REASONS FOR RELATIONSHIPS FALLING INTO THE CYCLE OF BREAKUPS AND RETURNS:

1. Life challenges: Many people deeply love their partners but struggle to balance love and life or align their individual desires. When these challenges pass, they may feel more prepared for the relationship and desire to reconnect.

2. Incompatible personalities: Despite initial chemistry, constant conflicts and differing opinions or personalities can strain the relationship. Though these differences create tension, the mutual attraction often leads both parties back to each other.

3. Uncertainty about desires: Individuals may not know what they truly want.

4. Longing for an idealized partner: One person may romanticize or yearn for someone else, only to realize upon breakup that their idealization was flawed.

5. Communication difficulties: Many struggle to communicate effectively in love due to past issues or lack of upbringing in healthy communication environments. They may choose to break up immediately instead of resolving conflicts together.

BOOMERANG RELATIONSHIPS: NO END OR A FRESH START?

Unlike other relationships where breakup signals closure, boomerang relationships seem never to end. After a breakup, the "all in" person often holds onto hope that the other will return, believing they will realize what they've lost and come back. Even when both individuals return to single status, they can't fully let go of their fantasies and desires for the relationship.

Typically, the one who leaves often suggests staying in touch. They may express a desire to maintain a friendship or reach out to share stories, even fabricating reasons to contact the other after initiating the breakup.

Those who stay and reconcile often experience temporary happiness and positivity initially upon reuniting. However, if the underlying issues remain unresolved, the cycle continues, leading to repeated outcomes.

In a study by Social Psychological and Personality Science, researchers found that individuals often stay in or leave relationships due to various factors. Those who stay often hope for change, reflect on their investments, fear the unknown after a breakup, and feel emotionally dependent. Meanwhile, those who leave cite emotional distance, lack of trust, or feeling incompatible as reasons.

If a relationship doesn't bring happiness from the start and leads to a breakup, something must change to progress upon reconciliation. If both parties return without resolving issues, conflicts will persist, and the consequences will repeat. If you believe in the saying "old flames never die," ensure both of you are willing to grow, understand, and change for each other to address the root causes of the initial breakup.

MAKING A SOBER DECISION IN A BOOMERANG RELATIONSHIP:

• Explore your true desires: What do you want in a relationship? Take the time to reflect, especially after a breakup, on whether the other person genuinely understands and is willing to improve to provide the relationship you desire or if you're merely reacting to their return.

• Assess compatibility and alignment: Are both of you on the same page? It's common to fall in love before fully understanding each other. However, as differences surface, addressing them openly and honestly is crucial for resolution.

• Define your real issues: Everyone enters relationships with different needs. Recognizing what you want and why is essential to avoid falling into unhealthy relationship patterns.

• Set boundaries if needed: Seek rational solutions and respectful exchanges to address issues instead of resorting to yelling or arguing. Take breaks when tensions rise and avoid important discussions when both parties are stressed or tired. Use honesty and emotional sharing to understand each other's pain, as love often involves empathizing with each other.

• If you don't want to reconcile: Avoid contact. Even if you can maintain a friendship or a cordial relationship after a breakup, if there's a possibility of reconciliation that you don't want, it's best to avoid each other. Ignore messages and calls, and resist reaching out when feeling lonely.
  

Source & Credit: Psychological facts - Vietnamese Psychology Translate and repost by Anh